


Part of Me

by Trixie_Baggins



Series: All of Them, Part of Me [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Fix it! fic, Happy Ending, Moving On
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-04
Updated: 2017-07-04
Packaged: 2018-11-23 11:28:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11401587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trixie_Baggins/pseuds/Trixie_Baggins
Summary: The third and final part of the "All of Them, Part of Me" series.





	Part of Me

Outside of the room, the roaring of a waterfall and the wind through the trees could be heard.  Outside were the calls of birds the world had never heard of, and the smells of flowers they never knew existed.  Outside was a vast and uncharted land full of technology that James Buchanan Barnes would have never thought could have existed.

 

But inside the room was a different story.  Inside the room  _ told _ a different story.  Here there were old photo albums of a much younger Bucky Barnes smiling and laughing with a much smaller Steve Rogers.  Here were ticket stubs and brochures and advertisements for “the future.”  But in here was also pain, and sorrow.  Regret and questions lived here.  Here were classified dossiers of information any government in the world would’ve liked to know.  

 

There was no echo of a waterfall, no melody of bird song here.  Instead there was only the sound of crinkling paper as pages were turned in agonizing silence.  Here was a machine, looking at pictures of when he was a boy, wondering why he never got to be a man.  Here was brokenness with only parts of the picture trying to put everything together - and failing.

 

It’s coming back, in bits and pieces now.  It’s hard: figuring out what goes where; coming to terms with what he’s done; catching up on everything he’s missed.  He has hurt so many people, and he doesn’t know how to start making amends.

 

Out there somewhere are people who hate him, people who are trying to understand and control him, and people who want to change him.  In here, there are all of those things too, but they’re all the same person - himself.  

 

Somewhere, in the back of his mind, is Tony Stark sitting at his bedside and forgiving him, but in reality he knows that he doesn’t deserve that forgiveness, even if Stark would actually give it.

 

There’s T’Challa telling him that it wasn’t his fault, but he knows that it is.  He did those things, and he will carry that with him for the rest of his life.

 

And then there’s Steve.  Steve Rogers.  America’s golden boy who defied everything he knew and believed in to save him.  If he corrupted someone as pure as Captain America, then there must be something truly wrong with him.

 

These are all pieces of the entire puzzle, little snapshots of the truth.  And, really, that’s all he has.  That’s all he’ll ever have.

 

He decidedly leaves the room.  He leaves the relative safety and wanders out to the unknown.  Steve was waiting - of course he was.  He would always wait.  He would always be there.  “Till the end of the line.” But what if Steve had never seen Bucky Barnes.  What if he had just lived out his days at home in New York.

 

But then there was the image of Bucky dragging him out of every back alley in Brooklyn for starting a fight with someone bigger and stronger than him because of his incorrigible need to “do the right thing.”

 

Steve Rogers had saved so many lives.  

 

And Bucky Barnes saved Steve Rogers.

 

Maybe there was part of him worth saving.

 

That was a new thought.

 

But Tony was also there.

 

Tony, orphaned because of Bucky’s own actions.

 

_ That wasn’t actually you _ says some small voice in his head.

 

Oh, wasn’t it?

 

Sounded like him.

 

Certainly looked like him.  

 

He remembers it like it was him.

 

He remembers all of the other innocent people he killed.

 

He remembers why he doesn’t deserve to live.

 

But then he looks back and there’s Steve.

 

Captain America.

 

Little Stevie from Brooklyn.

 

Who probably couldn’t find anything wrong with Bucky, even if he tried.

 

Tony’s still there.  

 

Watching.

 

He glanced back and forth.

Tony.

 

Steve.

 

Tony.

 

Back to Steve.

 

But it’s Tony who approaches him.

 

Instinctively, Bucky backs up, but Tony doesn’t do anything.

 

He simply stood there, hand outstretched.

 

Bucky glanced at Steve who nodded.

 

Cautiously, he took Tony’s hand.

 

“I forgive you,” Tony says, but he doesn’t seem to understand what Bucky does.  He doesn’t seem to see that Bucky doesn’t deserve to be forgiven.

 

He’s back in the room now, surrounded by papers scattered across the room.  Little bits and pieces of who he was.  Who he is.

 

* * *

 

 

It’s been months now.  Bucky has pieced together enough of who he is to make a decision.  He’s surrounded himself with the people who care about him, and want to see him succeed.  The day has come.  

 

The roar of a waterfall echoes in the distance.  From the tops of trees they never knew existed, birds they have never heard of call to each other.  Here, the Avengers have gathered around. They stand around a coffin, open to reveal that it’s filled with various folders and papers.

 

Bucky approaches the circle.

 

“Here lies Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes.  Born March 10th, 1917; died April 6th, 1945.”

 

He paused and looked around.

 

“Here lies the Winter Soldier.  Born April 6th, 1945 and died May 8th, 2014.”

 

There was a  _ click _ and Bucky dropped a lighter into the coffin.  “These papers, these missions,” he began, “they’re only part of me.  They’re a part of me that I will never get back.  I can’t change what I’ve done, but I can control what I will do.”

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> So I searched high and low for the actual dates, but I found just general estimates. I just picked some random dates based on estimates and known dates.


End file.
